Bleed


Thursday, July 27, 2000

I feel like a big dope. One of the links I posted the other day was not a bad review. The really embarrassing part is that she's a regular reader of my journals (I thought the URL looked familiar). Here's her translation, much better than Babelfish's:

Should I ever meet one of the managers of that famous company producing tampons you are supposed to be able to do anything with, I'll make him eat one. An unused one of course (what do you think of me). No, it is not me who goes into detail too much. Erica is. In this special case please only do read her menstruational diary called Bleed, if your English is NOT good enough. (Why should only I feel strange today. Go and read, guys).

My apologies Melody. Go check out her site, Moving Target, if you read German.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/27/2000 11:14:04 PM

Wednesday, July 26, 2000

By the way, I'm sick of the criticism that Bleed is somehow a sign of my lameness because I created "an entire site" about it. I disagree with that both because it's a perfectly good subject to have a site about (I'm not as yet aware of one...just sections of other sites) and because I haven't created an entire site about my period. You might notice the site is I'mErica Online. You might also notice there are several other sections and many more to come. You might even notice I have two other sites with completely different material on top of all that.

The bottom line, I'm a writer. I write what I know, that's what we're supposed to do.

My intention is to have more links and places women can get more information, since they are always emailing me with medical questions. However, with my other sites and commitments, I don't have a lot of time to devote solely to Bleed, despite what critics would say.
...
As I mentioned in my last post, no one criticizes anyone for talking about pregnancy. It's practically a religion unto itself in the U.S. anyway. There's an entire sub-genre of online journals focussing on pregnancy. I think that's great, women can share their experiences and, through the magic of web rings and reciprocal links, find more and more women who can offer support, advice, etc. Menstruation is a lot more common and frequent experience and it's hardly talked about. As a writer, that naturally raises the question of "Why?" in my mind. I think a lot of it has to do with the patriarchy stamping out the last vestiges of goddess culture from us. We've learned to see our periods as a disease, a source of shame, a burden and just about any other negative connotation possible.

So then I ask myself "Why not?" Why not positive? Why not a cleansing period? Why not yet another amazing function of our reproductive system? Why not as an obvious time for those who spend most of their energy caring for others to take care of themselves? (Personally, I get extra sleep, eat better and write more...all good for me). Why not a time for women to commune with one another? After all, that's why our cycles tend to synchronize with close friends and housemates. Because I created Bleed, I learned that the menstrual/moon hut was often a positive instance of segregation, not of sexist banishment.

The fact is that I'm the last person I expected to start such a project. I was so shy about starting my period that I didn't tell my mother for over a year. I never even acknowledged having periods to even my female friends until I was 21. I don't think 10 years of shame is how anyone should start on the road to womanhood.

Bottom line: Bleed isn't about me. Please feel free to send me your comments and stories. I'll happily post them here or link to them on your site. The only submissions I won't accept are those that follow the accepted "I'm a psycho bitch on the rag" party line because I think it's not only brain-washing, but also that it's over-represented and so there's no need to support it on this page.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/26/2000 12:11:29 AM

Tuesday, July 25, 2000

Received a nice note and a much more understanding entry from Heather of Obsessively.org. I'm not sure she yet gets what I meant, it's so hard to tell online, without the real-time give and take of ideas. You have to remember what you said two days before and try to suss a person you don't know without any facial or body language.

What I meant is that Bleed isn't just about my period, but was started because I thought there was a deafening silence on this issue. Sure, women talk amongst their girlfriends. Even still, I think perhaps not in as much detail...it took years before anyone ever mentioned clots to me. Finally, I wasn't alone. I didn't have endometriosis, but what I had was something that I never saw in the literature otherwise.

Further, I wanted to fill that silence with something other than the broadly sanctioned, "I'm a bitch because I've got PMS." I had a room mate once who used her period (pre, during and post...we only had a week of sanity) as an excuse to lash out at everyone else. I would not dismiss connections between hormones and mood, but I also want women to own their fucking anger and strength for a change, rather than hiding behind their period and only allowing themselves 3-10 days a month to be free. I'm sick to death about men not being held responsible for their juvenile and assholish behavior. It seems to me that the very same women who complain most about PMS are the very same ones who complain about what dicks men are when they've broken up with their boyfriends, but ditch their girlfriends the minute they have a new man in their life. Be you, it's all I ask.

Finally, I started Bleed to counter the frequent, ignorant comments from men (and even other women) that I "must be on the rag" when I didn't lay down and take whatever bullshit was being shoved down my throat. I wanted to show that my life went on as normal, but that would require the reader to read Bleed in conjunction with my other journals.

Sometimes, particularly given the ease of Blogger, Bleed is just a few dribbles describing an amazing bodily function that most people take for granted. (Ever notice how pregnancy is exalted, but menstruation and menopause are rendered shameful, bad and not worthy of conversation?) Sometimes, it's a lot more...it just depends on what I have to say.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/25/2000 11:42:06 PM

Whoops, just noticed that long post duplicated itself.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/25/2000 11:26:31 PM

Monday, July 24, 2000

I don't know what this sudden, isolated gush of transparent pink fluid was this evening -- some sort of ultra-light menstrual fluid? What you get when you cross beets with incontinence? Nothing happening now.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/24/2000 09:35:01 PM

Sunday, July 23, 2000

In answer to the question "who needs to read about clots?" I do, or at least I would've liked to have been warned before I encountered them first hand and thought I had a serious medical problem. None of the sanitized, fem-product industry produced pap they gave us in school prepared me for the physical reality of my period. Through Bleed, I discovered I wasn't the only one. It's just another aspect of our lives about which, until we question and examine, most of us tend to remain ignorant). How can we expect people to know what's going on in their government, if they have no clue what's going on in their on bodies.

One of the best book dedications I ever read is from a drawing book I had as a kid that taught you how to draw all sorts of animals, step-by-step, using simple geometric shapes. It was, "For the boy I was, the book I could not find." That's why we write everything we do, to share our experiences so that our readers (and ourselves) can learn from our experiences.

While I'm surprised at myself for creating Bleed (I'm generally pretty shy, especially about gynecological things) and frustrated at times that it gets more attention than the rest of my writing combined, I felt it was something someone had to do. Since no one else had, I felt a duty to overcome my personal discomfort with the topic for the greater good.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/23/2000 05:39:24 AM

More bad reviews!

Obsessively.org
July 22 -- can you say "ewww"? this is a prime example of those blogs that i think are absolutely nauseating. really...who needs to read about clots?

Moving Target
July 21 -- Erica is it * g * in this quite special case should one its Menstruation Diary named Bleed perhaps read only if one does not know very well English

As Natalie would say, I'm heartlessly amused. I don't care what you say about me, as long as you spell my name (and the URL) right.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/23/2000 05:01:17 AM

Well slap my ass and call me Bleedy.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/23/2000 03:18:29 AM

Saturday, July 22, 2000

Aside from a couple of spots mid-week, nada. Is it so much to ask to know what to expect?
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/22/2000 03:51:36 AM

Monday, July 17, 2000

The river has dried up.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/17/2000 02:23:02 AM

Saturday, July 15, 2000

Woke up in a river of life this morning. Sometimes my body just amazes me.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/15/2000 04:14:32 AM

Friday, July 14, 2000

I guess I am in denial. Just when I think the spotting has stopped, I have a big gush and a clot so big, surely it signifies that this is the one. It's the back and forth I can't take.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/14/2000 01:01:08 PM

Thursday, July 13, 2000

Nada mas.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/13/2000 06:36:01 PM

So, if the big, red, dripping clots are, as Jade calls them, "strawberries," what are these tiny, dried, wrinkled up clots? Craisens?
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/13/2000 11:39:32 AM

Bleed was mentioned on a Brazilian web site called Ultimas Bobagens (uh, a portal? -- what are the spin doctors calling it today?) . Here is the crappy translation from Babelfish:

Cibernéticas rules
The menstruation is a so constant subject in the life of a girl, who one of them created a site alone on this. " It is, and I construi the page when it was bleeding ", admits Ericka. If you are in gravy house (because its rules had arrived), you give a small jump in the HP of the young woman. She is same it that he warns: " This what they say of that when you are menstruada does not obtain to make nothing right is a bobagem ". Full E: " this site is a tribute to that he is on to the menstruation: links, commentaries, histories. The address is http://somecrazydame.com/bleed.

(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/13/2000 03:36:13 AM

Wednesday, July 12, 2000

Don't'cha just love it when you're as dry as a bone one minute and gushing with blood the next? Back. Forth. Back. Forth. That's the part I can't take -- the uncertainty. Maybe it's the stress of being here, the irregular sleep cycle. I've tried to adjust, with little success.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/12/2000 11:01:08 PM

Tuesday, July 11, 2000

Out out damn clot!
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/11/2000 04:15:44 PM

Plooking and squishing ever-so-slightly. On with it, already.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/11/2000 01:40:28 AM

Saturday, July 08, 2000

This is getting to be so redundant. I'm not sure why it's become so freaky lately.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/8/2000 10:03:53 PM

Friday, July 07, 2000

Spot...not...spot...not...spot...not, tales from my indecisive reproductive system.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/7/2000 11:12:16 PM

Thursday, July 06, 2000

Then along came the rain and washed the spider out.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/6/2000 11:43:51 PM

Tumbleweeds are rolling by...
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/6/2000 10:17:05 PM

It's gone all ex-boyfriend on me: on-again, off-again. I can hardly take it. Luckily, the new undies I wore today were navy because I thought it was long, long gone.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/6/2000 02:50:09 AM

Wednesday, July 05, 2000

Where'd'ya go, Aunt Flo?
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/5/2000 02:59:15 PM

Tuesday, July 04, 2000

It just keeps going...and going...and going.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/4/2000 11:25:38 PM

Monday, July 03, 2000

Here and there.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/3/2000 09:38:46 PM

Sunday, July 02, 2000

Beth has a menstrual thread in her forum at the moment. My response is below, but head on over there for other women's experiences and home remedies.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear so many people have so much trouble. I started an online menstrual diary a few years ago called Bleed because I wanted to see if there was a connection between my cycle and my mood. At the time I had a lot of people insisting that my/their/their coworker's/gf/mother's behavior was tied to the cycle. I was just starting to get to that point in my life where I allowed myself to be angry, instead of acquiescing to every twit who uses the old "are you on the rag" routine when I don't let them get away with B.S.

I discovered a lot about myself and others. I realized I had water retention which I'd never thought about before because a few pounds don't show up on me or make a difference in my clothes. As I told my boyfriend at the time, "it's like my pelvis has a cold and is all stuffed up." My cramps vary from vaguely there to doubled-over (though the latter is rare). I found out I was right, I tended to get pissed at people for genuine reasons, rather than because of my period. If anything, I discovered I was less likely to fly off the handle because I have a natural tendancy to reserve my energy for myself.

I don't remember anyone ever saying our periods should be empowering, unfortuantely, but I do think of it as a natural, obvious time to take better care of myself. I tend to be less social, more introspective. I tend to read, write and design more. So, I guess it does empower my creativity.

I find that the things I crave actually help my symptoms: red meat and spinach give me a little extra iron (I'm borderline anemic), chocolate (especially really fudgy brownies) seems to give me a little boost, water seems to keep my system flushed out (I drink more water than most people I know, anyway). Luckily, I'm not big on salt or any major sources of caffeine (besides the chocolate) and I can't believe it when I see friends buying a ton of tampons and salty snacks to prep for their Red Letter Days. I also drink chamomile tea if I need it. I usually don't because it's the one time I get plenty of sleep.

It was very interesting to me to hear the bear story. I think we sometimes forget how important menstruation and women's reproductive functions are to human civilization and development. I'm not saying we should be defined by it 100%, but it was the original foundation for mathematics, played an important role in our interest in astronomy, etc. Similarly, I think we don't often make the connection between cooking and healing -- isn't that where medicine came from? While I don't think women should be restricted to or defined by domestic roles, too often their significance is dismissed or not even considered relevant to the sciences, customs and other fields they created/inspired.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/2/2000 06:12:37 PM

Back to spottin' and clottin' this evening.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/2/2000 12:42:06 AM

Saturday, July 01, 2000

By the way, yes that is indeed a pantyshot in the logo. There's an actual bloody pad in the photo (sometimes I surprise even myself), but I obscured it, because I don't want to encourage the fetish people.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/1/2000 06:04:28 PM

The tide has subsided. That's almost worse, because I have to be sure to have, uh, backup at all times.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/1/2000 06:02:38 PM

Problem solved...I'd mistyped my ftp password. Took me a long while to think to check that, I just kept checking my code and other settings.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/1/2000 08:38:30 AM

So here I go again...I stopped updating Bleed for several reasons. My internet access was limited on and off, I had lots of other sites to work on, I had answered my initial question of "Am I more emotional/angry/on edge/illogical before/during/after my period?" in the negative.

I decided to start keeping it yesterday because things have become irregular again and I want to start keeping track. I had spotting but no period during my month-long cross-country trip. Then I had a period lasting about 8 days in early May. I had spotting up until my 13 day period in June and today it was clot city. I don't know what's happening to me. Maybe it's because my circuidian rhythm is completely off from not keeping a regular sleep cycle.
(link) posted by Erica Jackson 7/1/2000 07:13:46 AM

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