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I am...a New Yorker
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Monday, January 7, 2002
Lusting
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Photographing...
Snow and construction at work.

Eating...
Chinese Mexican food, a unique New York tradition.

Wearing...
Work clothes again, unfortunately.

Sighing...
Because Nerdboy empathizes with my plight at work.

Missing...
The days when my desk wasn't covered in a fine dust from the construction down the hall.

Encouraging...
Being asked to teach a web design class at work.

Watching...
"Cosmetic Surgery Gone Wrong" and "Secrets of Kissing" on the Discovery Channel. All that hot necking almost helped me forget the mutilated legs, faces and breasts of the first program.

Irritating...
Not so much the construction at the far end of the hall, but definately the destruction 10 feet from my desk. Nerdboy said he doesn't know how I can stand it without going crazy.

Wondering...
What's going on in Nerdboy's world, he was vague when I asked. I suspect still waters run deep.

Realizing...
I'm in no shape to shoot pool and have a few beers after work, as planned.

Talking...
To Netra and Jennifer.

Reading...
Jorge El Curioso, that's Curious George in Espanol! Muchas gracias Jennifer!

I am...so coveting this:
legolas_figure (11k image)

That's 6 inches more man than I'm accustomed to getting lately and I'm sure far less disappointing and yet more intellectually stimulating than most men I've dated. The only problem is he comes in a 4 piece set. While I could give Fang one of the Ring Wraiths, I have no desire for the other two action figures, let alone paying $31 for the one I want.

Nerdboy saw Lord of the Rings over the weekend, too. Just think, we could've seen it together and he could've jumped into my arms during the scary bits. Hey, even in my fantasies I'm realistic. It's about time I got some lovin' that didn't involve plastic.

He said his butt was only just recovering from all the sitting by early this afternoon. I told him about my Legolas fascination and we talked about what we liked and didn't like about the movie.

Meanwhile, I mentally measured him for a long, blond wig and Elvish attire. What can I say? He's my kind of guy. The kind who people in high school probably thought was gay. I call him "Nerdboy" with the utmost affection, of course. I'd like to date my own kind again.

I'm curious if this is a Jack Sprat kinda lust. I don't have a type per se, but there's a disproportionate number of waif boys in my past. It's not like I'm looking for them. In this case, I discovered the Nerd Within when he helped me out on a mindless, busy project and he got to talking about the negative impact of Britney Spears, boy bands and the entire image industry on the development, self esteem and socialization of preteens. Resistance was futile.

About a month later, my boss teased me when I said Nerd Boy had been at a meeting my boss hadn't noticed him at. "Oh, you're just covering for him because you like him." I blushed so hard! As much as I could just not be bothered with dating any old asshole, just for the sake of not being alone, it's refreshing and pathetically rare for me to meet a straight male I can actually have a conversation with.

By conversation I mean more than 5 minutes of small talk and being able to talk for more than 10 minutes without being told I'm crazy or a man-hater or bitter or whatever other bullshit threatened men use to try to shut up women with brains. Women have so much more to offer than our bodies, but if we don't set standards for how we want to be treated, then men who hate women will keep bringing down the curve. Most of my closest friends are men, so I know a y chromosome doesn't preclude intelligence, self-control, respect or depth.

A few weeks ago, John told me I was brave to choose being alone over being with the wrong person. I never felt like it was a choice. I don't want to live my life being beat down, nor in a state of constant irritation. Or, as I told John, "I'd rather just masturbate" than put up with an asshole for the sake of awful sex. I really don't get why anyone would do such a thing.

But what do I know? I'm a freak in lust with a fictional elf.

[Next entry: "Reconnecting"]
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