The sidebar doesn't know shorthand, either.
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 having another down day, workwise. A bunch of pending shit hit the fan. There are just too many meetings (each with a notice, agenda, minutes, attachments -- some people who receive by email, others by fax, others by mail, on and on go the variables).
Mainly, at some point I just don't care anymore. I have my own life and projects that I love, that mean everything to me. I'm not going to give that up, and I'm sick of sacrificing it year after year.
In returning to New York, I vowed to change that. I promised myself I'd never again be a secretary, but here I am. I want it to be the means to an end, as soon as possible, but most certainly not the end itself. It's not something that gives one a sense of accomplishment, hope, or even pride. I strive to do a good job, think of myself as competant, but I really resent being expected to work 10 hours a day and lug a laptop home to do 2 hours more. Feh!
Something's got to give, how I don't know. All I know is I need to make it work, because my true work doesn't frustrate and drain me -- it challenges me and energizes me. I don't want to stop, even when there's a problem, I just want to figure it out and learn as much as possible so I can make something beautiful, meaningful and lasting.
[Next entry: "Sleepy"]
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