I'mErica Online
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This is my 1997 "Things That Piss Me Off" page revived.  It, too, still rings true.  I'll be updating it periodically.

People who've never stepped foot in Manhattan (let alone Brooklyn, Queens, the Bronx or Staten Island), but who make presumptuous, stupid, stereotypical remarks about New York.  I neither suffer fools gladly, nor tolerate ignorance.

Women who are afraid to feel or express anger. It's a valid emotion, too. Sit back, relax and see how it's done.

Men and women who judge a woman more harshly than they would a man for being angry.

People who cannot comprehend the difference between a Heartless Bitch and a Senseless Bitch™ The former strives to be in total control of herself...the latter wastes hers and everyone else's time in the futile quest to control everyone else by tantrums, sexual dishonesty and other ridiculous machinations.

The hopelessly trite expression "politically correct," especially as abbreviated PC. Say what you mean, don't hide behind this media invention and get a fucking brain of your own!

Men who approach me on the street late at night who act surprised that I don't care to talk to them at that particular moment. Double puke if they then ignore my wishes and compliment me as if that means I owethem something. Asking anyone out is a crapshoot. I try to be polite, but if you pester me, I'm going to figure out eventually that the only English you understand is "Fuck off!"

People who act as if I'm some sort of freak for not driving. I live in a city, for crying out loud! Moreover, automobiles are a fairly recent development in human history, hardly a necessity of life. o Men in general who act like you owe them something if they hit on you. I don't owe anyone anything -- except myself.

People who are too stupid to ride the bus. Move to the back, fer crissakes!

Men who call me a lesbo or dyke when I turn them down, but who think the whole point of two women having sex is to turn them on.

Women who stick with the same dumb, mean, useless assholes. If your crotch is more important than your self-esteem, your goals (you do have some, don't you?), your friends, your family and your children -- then you need help. Men are just people and having one does not make your life complete.

When everyone looks at me the moment anything black-related -- from what a novel by a black author means, to rap music to that head swivel thing that I've never been able to do once in my life -- pops up in conversation. Even if I were 100% black, I would not represent all black people.

Women who think the fact that I'm fat is an excuse to hate me because they hated themselves everytime they gained 5 pounds and became obsessed with their weight and food. Get a clue, I'm not you -- there's no reason strong enough to make me dislike the number one person in my life. Maybe if you'd had enough of a grip, you could have learned to love yourself without starving, scarfing and barfing or over-exercising to someone else's idea of the "perfect" weight. Moreover, the energy saved could be put to improving yourself in real ways, like getting an education, getting to know yourself and doing something with your miserable, whiny life. If you think a body part is an excuse to hate yourself, it's just your earthly car after all, then why don't you end it all now? Yeesh! o Men online who cannot talk to you if they do not know what type of genitalia you possess...if we're just talking, WTF does it matter? You can't screw me through my computer, thank gawd.

People who ask me for "the black perspective." First, I'm less than half black and second, no one person can speak for millions of other people they've never met. That's why I've never found myself asking anyone for the "white perspective" on any issue.

hite people, especially Poor, Persecuted White Males (PPWM TM ) who bitch and moan about "reverse discrimination."  One guy even told me that white males were the most persecuted minority in the U.S. -- they are neither. When it becomes perfectly acceptable to kill, rape or maim a white guy, then you will have a real issue to rally around. Until then, get a little perspective. o People who complain about how wrong Affirmative Action is, who resent having to compete with women and minorities in the workplace, yet who do not recognize more pervasive systems of inequitable employment practices. For example, I very rarely hear these same whiners acknowledge the advantages rich kids whose parents and connections, rather than talent, give them opportunities, advancement and large salaries without having to compete with the rest of us. (George W. Bush, anyone?)  Why are so many people angry at having to compete for crumbs from an ever-shrinking economic pie? Why do so few ask why isn't said economic pie big enough?

People who never question why there aren't enough jobs for all and allow themselves to be distracted by sex, race and other red herrings.

Black people who discuss slavery and the Jim Crow era (de jure and defacto segregation) as if they experienced it first hand. Yes, these were dark times for our ancestors, but wallowing in the pain of the past doesn't do anything for our descendents. Get some perspective and thank your lucky stars that you can complain without being raped, maimed or murdered. We haven't made it all the way, but we're on the road.

People who address letters "Dear Sir." If you are addressing a letter to a business and you do not know who the recipient will be, you might want to recognize 52% of the population and 60% of the workforce. Just an outrageous thought there, I obviously don't know what I'm talking about. *snort*

Black men who a) assume I'm black, b) look at me as if they know me and otherwise act too familiar with me and c) who call me a "sellout" if I do not follow their lead and assume we have everything in common and act like they're my oldest friend and the love of my life. What do they expect me to do -- freakin' exhale?

Women who think, just because I have short hair and wear comfortable clothes, that I want to hit on them. Bisexuality doesn't mean a complete lack of standards.  I do not find myself attracted to someone I just met and have barely spoken to, male or female. They should have such high standards for the men they go out with.

Men who act like, just because I'm fat, I'm desperate and will fuck any loser who approaches me, even if it's obvious they think they can treat me like shit. As long as I have a right hand, I'll never need a man enough to become a doormat. I'm working on becoming ambidexterous, just in case.

Women who think they aren't attractive enough for men. So long as you have a vagina, you can get attention from shallow men, if you've no more self-esteem than to want that.

Men who try hard to sell me on themselves. If I'm not interested, brow-beating me isn't going to suddenly make you irresistable.

Women who think that judging men on their appearance is progress.

My 5'9" friend who is considering blowing her savings on breast implants because "I like my tits when I weigh 140, but my ass is too big!" Ay dios mio!

Men who ignore the fact that I'm reading or writing and who act as if meeting them is the most important event in my life.

A beauty-fashion-industrial complex that dictates one size in tits and an entirely different size body. Women aren't mannequins who can be assembled piece by piece.

The fact that too many women let said industry dictate their self-image. Stand up and get a brain of your own.

Men online (can you say "AOL?") who ask me "what are you doing on here so late?" As if a) there aren't such things as time zones, b) anyone online after 10 pm is trolling for cyber sex, c) a person can't just be a night owl and d) I have to ask their permission to be online late at night. Grrrrrr!

Sentences that start, "You'd be pretty if..." or "Someone would love you if..." and the brainwashed idiots who utter them.

Men who attribute my ripping them a new asshole to "being on the rag." No, *I* am not bleeding, but if you answer my honest criticism with any more of that assinine, reductionist drivel -- you will be. If I was menstruating every time some moron irked me, I'd have bled to death by age 12.

People who tell me I'm self-centered as if it is a criticism. Who the hell else should I be centered on?

People who try to sell me on whatever bullshit they've bought into like sheep with way too much disposable income. The most pervasive of these things is trying to convince me I am somehow inherently inferior and self-hating because I am fat. You wanna know why my ass is so big? To give you more to kiss, so pucker up, bucko!

Men who wear tootight pants. It's especially disgusting without underwear and reached new depths with the advent of bike shorts. I should be able to walk down the street without having to see that first thing in the morning. Believe you me, dicks akimbo are not attractive.

People who tell me to smile. I'm quite capable of knowing when I feel like smiling. I also know when I feel like slugging strangers who try to tell me what to do in any form.

White men who tell me I'm exotic. Black people have been on this continent for hundreds of years. Biracials like me have been here only about 10 months less...you should be used to it by now, fer chrissakes!

Aggressive pan-handlers. I should be able to walk down my own damn street without smelling your breath -- No means NO! You've been forewarned, the last guy learned the, er, hard way.


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