I am...a New Yorker

[Previous entry: "One of the 2 Shyest People on Earth"]

Sunday, January 27, 2002
Movng Forward

Not much. The weather is amazng these days.

Discoverng your toilet's been runnng all night by steppng nto an nch of water at 4 a.m.

The Simpsons

Money wasn't such an issue.

What steps to take.

Around the Village and midtown near Grand Central. It's glorious out there.

Because not believng and not tryng certanly didn't produce results.

I am...givng up somethng that used to mean a lot to me. I thought it was a way to fnd bright, strong women. Instead, it's mutated nto a place where people you thought were your friends attack for the purpose of attackng alone. I've wasted a lot of time there and I realize now I can ill afford to contnue to waste time on thngs that are not productive.

I can no longer afford to surround myself with anyone who would ask why I should have or utilize opportunities. Why not me? When I look back at peers who did well and moved forward n their writng careers, I see people whose parents afforded them opportunities mne did not care to. They weren't more talented than me, not by a longshot -- but they had the luxury of time to pursue writng and other non-payng pursuits that, n the long run, enhanced their career prospects.

When you're workng full time and gong to school full time, it's near-impossible to spend 20 hours per week on one class. That did me n. When I look back, I see so many missed opportunities, not because I lacked talent, but because I lacked time to pursue anythng extracurricular that didn't pay my bills. That seemed to make sense n the short term.

Nne years hence, I see how this seemngly practical approach was less than pragmatic n the long term. It isn't any easier makng time for it now, but neither is wastng another 9 years not gong n the direction I am meant to. So much has been leadng to this n recent months, so many remnders have come my way that I can't ignore them any longer.

I lost some momentum this week, but I'm still pluggng away. It's hard to jump right back n. Certan nstncts are there, but it's no longer an automatic response to know where to go, who to ask, where to start. I'm still tryng to make it a habit, a part of my day. That's a challenge when you work 60 hours a week, but I'm makng changes at work to pare down those hours dramatically and eventually elimnate it altogether.

I didn't move 3,000 miles to New York twice to be stuck n an office all day, when there are so many people yet to meet and nterview, so much yet to write about.

[Next entry: "Remnded"]
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