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I am...a New Yorker
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[Previous entry: "Reconnectng"]

Saturday, January 12, 2002
In Bloom
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Photographng...
Blanepear from behnd, because he's shy. No, I'm not gong to show you, out of respect for his privacy.

Myself n bed with the part time lover.

Watchng...
Orlando Bloom kiss Viggo Mortensen -- I'd like to be the fillng n that manwich!

The Lord of the Rngs agan. Snce I didn't need to follow that pesky plot, I was able to turn my full attention toward adoration of the elf.

Amusng...
A man who can appropriately quote Star Wars n bed.

Talkng...
To Andrea, one of my best friends from high school, about this whole Sex and the Cityesque life we lead. We got to talkng about sleepng with old lovers. She calls it recyclng. It's a great thng, but only seems to work with manwhores!

Droolng...
Orlando Bloom is now, officially, a web hottie. Well hell, I coulda told you that. He was perfectly cast as Legolas, who Tolken described as "Fair of Face, beyond the measure of men." Now that I'm an old spnster, I'm lookng forward to offerng the wisdom of my experience to young, fresh-faced lads like him.

He's gong to be 25 tomorrow -- that's a very good year.

Forgettng...
To mention I got laid last night. And this mornng. Woo hoo!

I am...a contrary personality. Yesterday it raned, so I was absurdly perky throughout the day. My boss was gone, but nstead of beng able to take advantage of his office to get some work done, I kept gettng booted for visitng executives.

As a result, I spent a lot of time tryng to fnd a quiet place to work or givng up entirely and takng a walk n frustration.

I also spent a fair amount of time talkng with Blanepear. We got to talkng about optimism versus pessimism and he enthusiastically declared himself an optimist. I said I thought that was great for him -- it's hard to mantan. I said sometimes I'm mistaken for a cynic. A cynic beng, after all, nothng so much as a frustrated optimist. No, I went on, I'm an absurdist. What's gong to happen will happen, there will be some chaos n the middle, but it all works out n the end with some laughs along the way. Much to my surprise, because optimists often try to convert you, he said that was just as good as beng an optimist.

We had a staff meetng on Thursday n which we were asked to state what positive quality we were brngng n from 2001 and what new positive quality we'd try to cultivate n 2002. I said I would contnue to use my technological skills with my creative talents n my daily work, while gettng away from my desk often enough to develop relationships with more of my coworkers. So it's not just with him -- I've been deliverng thngs by hand nstead of by nteroffice mail now and agan, so that I can see a larger variety of my coworkers. I also thnk that, if you can see people n their environment and observe their challenges, you'll have more empathy for their situation.

Bp nvited me agan to come down to borrow and read books n his department. I defnately need to get n touch with that writer and bookworm withn me that I've been forgettng. I called him at the end of the day yesterday to thank him for that little chat. It was a case of the very sort of small act we don't thnk of much at the time, but that impacts the other person tremendously. It turned around my whole week and brought me back to my creative center and for that I am n his debt. He nvited me downstairs to take a break and read a funny passage n the book he's readng.

So many people were n and out of my boss' office I didn't dare leave my laptop, so I brought it down with me. He admired the laptop, so I ntroduced him to the joy of Elf Bowlng. Smart kid that he is, he quickly conquered the game and wanted more. I am happy to report he kicked Dngle Krngle's ass n the sequel, Elves n Paradise.

Meanwhile, I proceded to read the "funny" passage he wanted to share with me. The book turned out to be Daphnis and Chloe, a fable that had thus far escaped my attention. The scene he wanted me to read was about an older woman seducng a younger man. Daphnis is n love with Chloe, a woman his age, but they have no idea what to do when they lie down, besides kissng. One of them laments that the ewe takng it from behnd knows more about lovemakng than they do.

An older woman offers to teach him what he can do to pleasure his beloved Chloe. He is thankful that she would do him such a favor. After the seduction, she explans that he won't actually want to perform this act on his young paramour, as she is a virgn and will only hurt and bleed as a result. Very clever woman.

I wasn't sure what part of that was funny. Maybe it's been too long snce I had sex, but the description of their "lesson" out n the woods by a stream was somethng I was a bit embarrassed to read at work, let alone while sittng just 4 feet n front of Blanepear. Just when I'd decided I was gettng too worked up and needed to back down, how could I not read nto that? All I can say is it's a good thng I didn't have my lipstick vibe with me! Ahem!

I was feelng encouraged, so I asked what his plans for the weekend were. He was vague and said he had plans with friends, so I wished him well and went back up to my desk to fnish up. Next thng I know, he's gong out with another guy at work, who I didn't realize he even spoke with much, let alone socialized with. I have no idea if it was friendly or more. That Blanepear might be gay would really fit nto my absurdist pont of view.

It really threw me for a loop, but then I went home and had a pep talk from Earl, who works n my buildng. He said I was beautiful and "had it gong on," so if Blanepear wasn't nterested, he was crazy. I told him how I'm loathe to ever express my feelngs for someone because whenever I've done it or they found out somehow, I've been shot down, usually n an excessively hostile, rude, humiliatng way. I teared up, just thnkng about it. Earl, bless him, said, "What?! Show me these men who would reject you. You're a beautiful woman. I don't believe it." So we're gong out tomorrow night.

Then I went upstairs and made a booty call to a visitng friend. It was yummy, though next time I don't thnk I'll waste the 3 hours seeng Lord of the Rngs agan. I'll skip right to the sex, thank you very much.

I considered takng down the entries from the past few days, but, if I'm gong to be a writer, I need not be ashamed of my life, my feelngs, my enthusiasm for meetng new people and my hope of makng connections. No matter how many times I get burned n both friendship and love, I keep climbng back on that horse. Maybe he'll be repulsed as some have been, maybe he'll feel the same, maybe we'll be good friends. It wouldn't be the first time I had a crush that turned nto a valued friendship -- goodness knows I need more of that right now. I can't be ashamed of those warm feelngs of connection with Blanepear, because they represent my fervent belief n endless possibility and the oneness of us all.

[Next entry: "A Writer, I'd Forgotten"]
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