I am...a New Yorker

[Previous entry: "No Social Mariah"]

Sunday, September 23, 2001
Not so Glittery


Lisa Picard is Famous which, unlike Glitter, is only pretendng to be unntentionally funny.


Union Square full of candles, of people, of satellite vans, of missng posters late nto the night.


"Tommy Ray" nstead of "Time Erase." Poor Mariah needs some elocution lessons.

I am...not one to kick a woman when she's down, but then I saw Glitter. I wanted to see somethng mndless to clear my head for the upteenth time and boy did it do the trick. There were so many pearl-clutchng, hand-to-forehead moments, I can safely say this flick is destned to be a camp classic. I can only imagne what all the catty queens n the Castro's balcony have to say about it. As it was, the Village East balcony on Second Avenue was teemng with hordes of queerboys laughng hysterically. Even the nerdy hasidic boy and I, the sole occupants of the ground floor, could not keep our composure.

As an aside, I'm addng this theater, which I'd only been to once before to see Rocky Horror, to my list of New York's best auditorium-switchng venues. The bathrooms are conveniently located n the basement, as are most of the theaters, so you've got a built-n excuse to venture down there and no staff to speak of.

Anyway, nothng gets one's mnd promptly off death all around like a bad, little actress. Et tu, Mariah? I thought Britney was emotionally flat, but then I saw you with your oddly-blank face tryng desperately to emote.

Ah, but Mariah was not alone on the planet of bad actng. Someone forgot to tell her leadng man that the role of Marky Mark Wahlberg had already been cast many years ago n South Boston. The cigarette hand with its thumb pressed firmly to the eyebrow n frustration has surely been done.

Someone apparently thought that the more heart-rendng details we squeeze n, the better the plot. An alcoholic mother and rejection by her white father weren't dramatic enough, so poor little Billie had to have her house burn down and be sent to the orphanage -- all before the openng credits fnished rollng. It only gets worse from there.

Perhaps the most profound theme throughout the film is spottng the smear of silver eyeshadow somewhere on Mariah's overexposed person n every scene. Will it be on her shoulder? her back? her chest?

I'm convnced Mariah hasn't lost her mnd; she is but collosally embarrassed that this turkey would see the light of a projector.

[Next entry: "Expectant"]
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Replies: 1 Comment

I expected Glitter to be bad, but is it so bad that you have to see it, to say that you did.(like that Vanilla Ice movie which I never went to but friends said I should have)

Posted by Josh Schwartzenberger @ 09/26/2001 03:30 PM EST

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